It's 5 am

And the distant drums have woke me once again. The Balinese wake before sunrise, every day, and begin a ceremony and offering to start the day. It is simply beautiful to witness their daily devotion. The roosters follow in their lead and start their morning wake up call as well. As the sun rises, I take a deep breath....while I can. Shortly after sunrise, the sent of smoke fills the air, on and off, all day long. Each family is responsible for their trash, no pick up service once a week here.....And they burn it, when ever they want to. I wondered where Nyoman emptied our trash cans........ I figured it out as I peeked over a wall to the side of our house the other day. It was shocking to see the pile we, being a family of three, has collected in such a short time. In Mexico, they also burn their trash, so this is very familiar, and in many ways makes a lot of sense. No big land fills, and taking responsibility for ones waste, makes one not waste as much.

This is not the only smell that awakens the senses here.....there are obviously no smog checks going on around here, and let me tell you....as inconvenient as it may be to get them, thank God we do. I have been directly behind many motor bikes, trucks, and cars as I walk along the rode, and give thanks for our smog check policy, on a daily basis.

On a sad note, the care taker of this home, Wayan, lost his brother the other day. Nyoman told me he had water leaking in his body, (???) and just one month ago he was fine. It made me realize this is not the place I want to be if I need medical attention. The Balinese treat things holistically, which I love, but let's face it, I wouldn't be here today with a purely holistic treatment a year ago. It has stirred up a lot of fear, and caused a few sleepless nights...hence the 5 am blog......to beg the question.....what if. We are here for 5 more weeks, and driving on very unsafe, crazy roads. Is this experience worth it? Being hospitalized in a third world country if the need should arise ? I would have to say no, with fear being the driving reason. That Damn fear dragon, that I know so well, and thought I left tied to the dock when we sailed away from Ventura nearly a year ago.....yet here he is again, disrupting my life. In this moment, I can not wait to get back home, to my boys, Alex and Blake. I can not wait to be with my students on our mats. I want to be home with my friends and the people I love. Bali is beautiful,

and I do feel so blessed to be here, to have taken a year off to sail, and now two months to merge in Bali and witness all that I am.....but.....I want to be home. I want to be done with this nomadic life, and place my feet on solid, familiar ground.

Trust Trust Trust Trust Trust.......that life will unfold as it should............

Tomorrow we head out to the east side of Bali for a few days so Patrick and Jack can dive. It is a 4 to 5 hour car ride from here. I plan to hide my head in pillow the entire way, to avoid the....OMG....we are going to die.....voice that shouts every 2 seconds when I am in a car here. We are totally winging it, no hotel reservations, just being hopeful we can find a clean bed to lay our bodies in.....if we escape death once again. Living on the edge, and trusting that this is what I need.....To awaken.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad